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      前男友回头找我复合,我该怎么办?

      我和前男友分手后,认识了现在的男友,他一直对我很好??墒亲罱?span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration-line: underline;">前男友回头找我复合,想挽回我,他似乎还吸引着我。请问面对前男友的复合请求,我应该接受他吗?

        网友情感咨询:

        我是个情绪很不稳定的人,从小敏感多疑,顾虑重重。初恋男友因为觉得跟我在一起太累,以性格不合为借口跟我分手了。我心里很爱他,但一厢情愿毕竟没有好结果,我不愿别人可怜,更不愿纠缠不休,只好放手。我反省过自己的性格,试图改正自己情绪善变的坏习惯,但事实上很多因素包括家庭父母的长期不和,促成了我这种极度没有安全感而喜怒无常的心理,改掉它,谈何容易。

       

      (前男友回头找我复合,我该怎么办?)

        我现在的男友是房东的儿子。我们的相遇很离奇。通常是他的妈妈来收房租,结果一次他“冒名顶替”,像从天而降的大兵一样,出现在我的面前,正巧我那会不小心切伤了手,他于是立刻送我去医院缝针包扎,跑前跑后,都把收房租的事情给忘了。这么一来,我对他的第一印象显然不错,甚至有点淡淡的好感,原因可能还有 一层,那就是他和我的前男友一样又高又瘦。我内心有个挥之不去的影子。

        以后他彻底接替了他妈妈的工作,按期跟我会面,交涉房子的事情。我感觉出他的一丝爱慕之情,不过也没想太多??墒撬穆杪杼纫灿胍郧昂艽蟛煌?,间或还打个电话嘘寒问暖的,俨然不是过去那个冷冰冰的女房东形象。

        他加紧了追求的步伐,我一直很犹豫,因为知道他比我大七岁,对他的过去的恋情也不了解,怕再被伤害。我摇摆不定,直到他又做了一件让我感动的事情。我有次 情绪跌入了低谷,深更半夜苦闷地给几个亲密的朋友发短信,发现都没开机,无奈之下,胡乱拨了他的电话,他竟然开机。他跟我聊了好长时间,听我倾诉,还说之 所以不关机,就是幻想着说不定我会有突发事情找他,他相信奇迹。我也相信奇迹,这一点我们相通。那一刻,他的可爱和温存加倍地放射出光和热,宛如夜空里的 一颗星星,成了我的救星。

        慢慢发现他的优点的确就是包容心很强,对我的情绪不稳定是一剂良药,这恐怕是他最合适我的地方。我跟他在一起的确很轻松。不过我们的职业,年龄,家庭背景 都差得比较远,有时候他对我的精神也不够理解,总觉得我太要强,内心又脆弱,把生活搞得太累。我也很矛盾,我们是不是价值观不一样呢?

        前不久,春节的同学聚会,我碰到了前男友,他竟然很热情地跟我打招呼,还跟我私下里聊了一会,其实我们分手后有两年都根本没有联系了。跟他见面后,我心里 很乱,莫名其妙地伤心,梦里经?;匾渫?,偷偷会哭。假若一切都象从前该多好,我忍不住幻想,假设,甚至做白日梦。男友发现我的情绪很反常,问我原因,我 不敢说,怕他伤心,也觉得自己有些忘恩负义,太容易动摇。

        不料,我的前男友竟然跟我频繁地联系起来,先是短信,后是约我吃饭。我没有拒绝他,他似乎还在吸引我,我们的回忆还在吸引我。前男友说他还是单身,他还想我们重新开始,让感情重生。记得我在分手的时候,多么生气,多么伤心,我发誓再也不理他了。现在呢?我又心软了??墒俏蚁衷诘哪信笥讯晕液芎?,最近发现我不开心,想三想四,担心我工作压力大,周末就带我出去玩,放松心情,我没有理由背叛他。前男友是否也是一时冲动?我该怎么办?

       

      (前男友回头找我复合,我该怎么办?)

        经济学里面有个词叫沉没成本,它的定义意思是指无法回收的成本支出。沉没成本是一种历史成本,对现有决策而言是不可控成本,从这个意义上说,在投资决策时应排除沉没成本的干扰。

        这段话比较专业,其实可以这么翻译:你和前男友的一切其实早都已经过去了,你需要考虑到是:倘若你今天才认识你的前男友,你们没有那段过去,你还会愿意背弃现在的男友,和前在一起吗?

        当然,你不知道前男友会不会对你特别好,也不知道会不会在新男友这里受伤害,这两者都说不准,我比你更不清楚。但是别忘记了,前男友是一个有前科的人!在任何情况下,有前科的人可都是被重点怀疑的。无论什么理由和借口,他抛弃对他付出那么多的你就是铁证。既然可以抛弃你一次没有愧疚,就一定可以抛弃你第二 次更没有愧疚,借口都不用找新的,直接拿来就用。

        那么你就需要思考了:倘若你再受一次伤害,你还能遇到现在男朋友这样不错性格的人吗?还能再度恢复良好的世界观和恋爱观吗?如果答案有任何犹豫,我劝你赶 快放弃合好的念头。专家告诉我们,对于任何沉没成本的明智选择,就是应该彻底将它放弃,直至忘记。你不再需要去考虑它的存在,因为那都已经过去了。

       

      (前男友回头找我复合,我该怎么办?)

        一般人的回忆里,80%是幸福,20%才是痛苦,因为我们大脑的遗忘机制需要如此运作,才能更加坚强地活下去。但这并不表示痛苦只有20%,实际上,人生的痛苦远远大于快乐,被记忆美化的恋情和恋人,再度生活在你身边的话,你们之间的美好会更短暂,痛苦会更不堪。一个健康的人,需要尝试着去活在当下,不要生活在被记忆美化的过去和充满不确定性未来里。要不,怎么有句老话说不如怜取眼前人呢。

        我敢断定,你的前男友不会有那么好,好到超过了你身边的其他男性那么多,好到你明知道他可能会伤害你,还要凑上去?;共幌撕α硗庖桓鋈?。告诉你现任男友你的痛苦,告诉他你的困扰,告诉你更愿意和他在一起,也把你的选择告诉前男友,把自己的后路断掉,不然,你注定会是一个悲惨的对象。当初你发过的誓言,许下的咒怨,倘若你违背了,多半会应验在你身上。你的所有伤心和痛苦,还会再度重演。在同一个地方跌倒一次,值得同情;但跌倒两次,那就只能是活该。

        对于任何人来说,翻一页重新开始,好过在一张斑驳的旧纸上乱画。对过去所说的再见有两种,我衷心希望你能潇洒地说一声farewell。

        大家都说初恋是最难忘的,但是你难以忘记的是过去的回忆,而不是还爱着初恋男友。面对前男友回头复合请求,需要考虑清楚是否还爱着他,不要因为一时的冲动决定,而丢失了现在拥有的幸福。

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