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      挽回女友攻略:巧用普通朋友身份挽回爱情

          有的人想着分手后为了不让对方忘记自己,会奋力争取在对方身边的存在感,不让时间磨灭自己在对方心中的分量。想方设法去补救爱情的缺失。这样的做法算是在吸引对方吗?充其量只是一种接受不了分开的自我麻痹而已,丝毫不知情前任对自己的看法,她会怀着一种什么样的心态去看待你?前男友的这个身份无形中给她过多的压力,如果能够先从普通朋友做起,尝试与对方建立新的交集,其实能为你带来意想不到的好处。
       
      一、挽回爱情之认识为何要做回“普通朋友”
       
          有句话是这样讲的:“今生你无缘做我患难与共的爱人,我也不会选择你做我心无尘埃的朋友”。体现在分手中的爱情就是,分手后的两个人往往是做不成朋友的。为什么很多人在分手后做不成朋友呢?也许是曾经相爱过的人,很难接受曾经关系亲密的恋人对自己以普通朋友身份自居。又或者是分手时伤害彼此已很深,情分已了,只能记住对方的不好,已然成为仇人。
       
          何为普通朋友?就是关系一般般,偶尔想起或者遇见就聊上一两句,记不起来或者很少见面就几乎不联系那种朋友。对于普通朋友,两人的生活没有太多的交集,在心中的地位就好比飘零的蒲公英,风一吹就会消失得无隐无踪。何为恋人呢?恋人就相当于自己的另一半,在热恋期甚至就像自己的连体婴,与自己有着最亲密关系的那一个人。你的生活中处处都充满着ta,心里满满的也是ta。所以,如果要求分手后的两个人做普通朋友,就相当于把你赖以生存的氧气抽出一大部分,但是你又必须待在那里不能走的感觉,这对分手的两人特别是被分手的那一个是很难的。
       
          但是,对于想要挽回爱情的你来说,即使成为普通朋友再难,在分手时你也必须首先把自己定位在普通朋友的位置上。因为,如果你们不能做普通朋友,那么必然会成为陌生人或者仇人。如果可以成为仇人,那还好一点,表明双方对彼此是爱之深,才会恨之切。恨你起码他心里还会有你,只是想到你会忍不住咬牙切齿。但是这个对挽回没有益处的,如果处理不当,很有可能对方会把你所有的联系方式都拉黑掉,想再联系已经不可能。最糟糕的是彼此沦为最熟悉的陌生人,彼此已经没有再联系的借口,就算见面也要假装不认识的擦肩而过。慢慢的你们就会完全断联,各自过上新的生活。
       
          想挽回爱情的你,希望看到像上面这样的结果吗?答案是否定的,所以,只有以普通朋友的身份待在他身边,才能让你们的爱情留有一线生机。他如果对你说分手,那么你就默许吧。如果他说你哪里哪里做得不好,所以才会想要离开的,那么你也不要去争执。就如复合康纳老师说的:“认同对方的看法并感谢对方指出你的问题。勇于认错可以降低对方对你的反感度,让你们的矛盾得以消解。”你们的矛盾得到消解,减低对方对你的反感度,那么你就可以把自己降格到普通朋友的身份了。
       
      二、分手后转换普通朋友身份对挽回的益处
       
          分手就意味着从情侣的身份转换为非情侣身份。很多人都无法一下子接受这样的身份转换,于是会在刚分手的时候失控。殊不知,接受并成为普通朋友对挽回爱情有益无害。
       
          能降低矛盾点。你们的分手,必定是矛盾激化的结果,只不过有些分手表现得很激烈,而有些分手则相对平静。但你要清楚的是,你们此时的矛盾点是非常高的。如果你选择分手后对其纠缠不休,就相当于不断给对方增压,这样的压力会使他不堪烦扰而越发对你不满,从而更坚定他分手的决定。不吵不闹,安然地接受分手的结果,将矛盾点冰封住,并让矛盾点在之后随时间和你的努力而淡化。先成为普通朋友,给他最后留一个好印象,为挽回爱情铺垫一个好的起点。
       

          能降低自身需求感。当你不肯接受普通朋友的身份,你就会一直想以女友的身份去要求对方。但是,对方明显已选择放弃这层身份,自然也不愿意为你做相恋时候该做的事,譬如不会主动联系你,告诉你自己的行踪,也不去关心你。复合康纳曾表明:“二次吸引强调主动权。当你需求感越低的时候,主动权在你手里边就是握得最紧的时候。所以在整个挽回过程中,需求感是一个决定性的因素。”你越是纠缠对方,就越暴露你强烈的需求感,也就会将对方推得更远。接受普通朋友的身份转变,趁着冷冻期间去学习深造,去开阔自己的视野,去提升自己的品味,以一个更优秀更具价值的自己对他进行二次吸引。只有掌握主动权,成功引起对方兴趣,才有可能挽回爱情。
       
          能继续保持双方的联系点。在挽回中有一种情况是相对不乐观的,那就是分手后两人没有任何交集。这样的情况下,想要对对方进行二次吸引就要先去建立双方的联系。这意味着,分手后能成为普通朋友的情况比拉黑从此成为路人好得多。就算成为普通朋友,你们之间还会有联系点,你还有渠道去知道对方以及让对方知道你的近况。你们的朋友圈可以偶尔看到彼此的动态,你可以偶尔给对方发个信息,打个电话,甚至有机会约对方出来。要先保证有联系对方的方式,才能让你有展示自己吸引对方的机会。
       
      三、学会做个“普通朋友”降低她的戒心
       
          其实有时候退一步也只是为了更进一步,先将自己的身份降低,以降低对方的戒心,更好地保留你们联系的机会。那么应该如何做好一个“普通朋友呢”?
       
          调整自己的心态。分手后如果你还觉得自己还是她的男朋友,还是像以前那样要求对方,只会让她更加厌烦你,把你拉黑掉。你连自己都控制不了,还如何让她相信你只是想做个“普通朋友”?就像复合康纳在课程里面说的:“我们在分手之后,要做的第一件事,就是定位,定位在普通朋友,以减少他对你的戒心,同时又保持住交集,起码保证你们两个还能见面,吃个饭,聊聊电话之类的,其实这不就为我们后继的挽回,创造了优先的机会吗?”想要挽回她,首先要把自己的心态调整好,把彼此当做是普通朋友来相处,不要给对方太压力。
       
          控制好自己的需求感。做个“普通朋友”,那么你们偶尔还能聊聊天。聊天是很重要的一个操作点,在一起是因为聊得来,分手是因为聊不来,挽回自然也是因为你们再次聊得来。所以为了更好地吸引她,降低她的戒心,聊天时一定要注意保持自己语言和情感上的低需求感,适当的“关心”而不过界:普通朋友式的问候,会关心对方但不打探对方的行踪,留意对方情绪但不过问对方的感情生活??刂谱约旱男枨蟾谢挂亲〔灰庇谇蟪?,没话找话聊,你把天聊死了,不仅不能提起对方的兴趣,还会让对方反思你的举动,暴露自己的挽回目的就不好了。
       
          拥有自己的精彩生活。既然是个“普通朋友”,自然你不能再整天围着她转,你也要有自己的生活,有自己的要做的事情,让她知道你还有很多事情要忙,不会经常去打扰她,那么她自然就会放松对你的戒备了。安排好自己的生活,让自己的生活尽量过得丰富:多结交新朋友,多参加聚会,有自己热爱的运动,有自己喜欢的爱好……用你精彩的人生吸引她的注意力,女生总是向往更好的生活,尤其是她看到你的生活变化时,她的潜意识会让她想到自己和你重新在一起后的生活。所以让你的生活比以前过得更精彩,让她觉得她不在你身旁时,总会错过一些美好的东西。
       
         
      分手后亦是朋友,从朋友做起,谁敢保证就永远只能是朋友而无法恢复恋人关系呢?这只是你挽回的其中一步。从普通朋友做起,前任也不会对你有太多的抵触,起码会愿意和你交谈,愿意和你分享生活点滴。挽回总不能够让对方讨厌自己增加厌恶感啊,需要循序渐进打开对方的心灵之窗,为自己塑造良好形象,争取早日挽回成功
      。
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