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      谈恋爱很累,如何继续下去?

      有时候,真心觉得谈恋爱很累,明明很爱,却不敢明确尽力地爱和表达。他一句无心的话都会在脑里联想到无限个自己害怕的结果;回信息慢一分,一丝不耐烦的表情或者语气都让人惶恐不安,即而折腾哭闹求证。 

      其实,在恋爱过程种,拼的是爱情情商,而不是时间和精力,如果觉得谈恋爱很累的话,可能是自己的情商出了问题,谈恋爱感觉很累一般有三大原因:

      一、自身本来就是疲惫的

      在这一阶段,如果你自己状态不好,肯定看什么都不会顺眼,更不用说恋爱了。

      解决方法:先给自己减减压,减掉负面累赘的情绪、多余的负担、糟糕的心情、不顺的事业。调整好心态,把这些解决后,再给自己做加法,慢慢再去试着谈恋爱,只有先把自己整理好,才能去爱别人,这样彼此就不会感到累。
      二、以“为对方好”为理由,把自己的意志强加给别人

      在恋爱的时候,其实每个人都需要尊重,这也是作为一个人最基本的需求。很多人谈恋爱过程中,总抱着改造对方的心态在谈恋爱,不自觉地总想把自己的意志强加于对方,还觉得是为对方好。有姑娘说:“要费尽心思去协调双方,真的很累”,可是为什么要费尽心思去协调呢?这样必然很累。

      解决方法:其实,彼此都是成年人,都有自己处理问题的方式,根本不需要协调,其实这时候要做的就是尊重对方。相互尊重才会有磨合,协调只会产生摩擦和矛盾。应该给彼此一些空间,这样两个人都会舒服。需要特别说明的是,这里的尊重绝对不是逃避问题,不去改变别人很好,但你必须要让对方知道问题在哪里。具体就是你要让他知道你生气的、不满意的有哪些,他若自己调整就调整,他若不愿意调整你也别强制,这才是恰当的尊重。
      三、和自己想象中的恋爱对象差别太大

      我知道,其实每个人心中都有完美的恋爱对象。男人都喜欢“白富美”,女人都喜欢“高富帅”,但是对于大多数人来说,这都是不现实的。如果一味的寻找自己心目中完美的恋爱对象,那就会觉得很累。

      解决方法:首先是可以降低自己的期待值,调整好心态,承认现实中很难遇到你心目中的理想恋人。恋爱后,不要总拿恋人与你自己心目中的理想恋人对比,如果相处的还算愉快,就不要过分苛刻。然后是如果自己非要找到心目中的理想恋人,就应该当发现条件不匹配后,尽快分手。如果继续拖下去,两个人都会筋疲力尽,让彼此伤的更深,分手之后,反而可以继续寻找你心目中的理想恋人。需要注意的是,这样做的结果多半会是重蹈覆辙,所以还是乖乖地对自己的要求做一些妥协。

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